There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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