I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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