All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
