He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
