Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
