I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
