it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
