I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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