Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
