Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
