have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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