I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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