Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
