I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
