You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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