I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
