Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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