She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
