Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
