I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize