Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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