"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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