I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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