yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
