Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I puked a lego.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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