Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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