Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
