I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
