It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Someone stole a lamp last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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