I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
