I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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