can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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