thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
