Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
