it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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