Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
