He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
