I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
