I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
