Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
