I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
