what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize