just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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