Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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