some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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