I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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