Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
