life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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