so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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