Whod you bang
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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