I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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