Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
