i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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