i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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