hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it hurts more in the daytime
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Even my vagina gasped.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
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Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.