Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway