The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??