What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The adults are the big ones right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
