You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
