We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
