We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
