she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize