Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
