when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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