Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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