He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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