I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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