and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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