So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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