Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
