i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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