So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
