How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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