that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
