As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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