I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
