fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
