Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
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He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i think im in europe. pls send help