Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.