he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever