No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.