please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1