you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".