is your mom at the bar?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.