I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..